2009...and itchin'

The 2009 edition of the Elmwood Elkhorns is showing a lot of promise early.  The Summer GM (who never sleeps, especially if there is still some left in the 40 ouncer) has been busy assessing new talent, trading players, and managing Hugh's ego.

"All is set and pretty much ready to go" indicated Summer.  "We may move up to 4th division, as a matter of fact I counted on it and moved players accordingly."

In two seasons "The Herd" has finished as "B side" Champs and in 2008 lost the gremlins that foiled them and cruised to victory as "A side" champs.

"It's about winning, having fun, and good times with friends, in THAT order" noted the Elkhorn GM.

This years edition welcomes a few new players:

Les , a player of many talents, noted for quickness on the bags and a bat that impressed Presto last year.  "I saw the Elkhorns in the playoffs and was impressed with the talent and thought it might be a good fit to showcase my abilities" boasted Les.

Nadine, a spin off out of Soulmans Misfits was on the unrestricted free agent market.  "I snapped her up real quick, scouting reports were solid with this one" boasted Summer.

Sharon just may be the diamond in the rough..."we lost a pitcher, I hear she has a pretty good knuckler, that pretty much iced" said Summer.

Negotiations are still going on for one more undicslosed female player... all that can be said right now is that she is hard core Elmwood!

We are glad to have the rest of the team back. 

Hugh Glove, who was looking for a trade after being benched for killing the Texas Mickey with out the GM's has been in spring training and is ready to go after an off season injury.

Elkhorn Archives:

Here is a picture of a young Hugh before puberty.  Lets just say after puberty he was not so shy!  ========================>

And here is Baby Huey, do you see the resemblance?

Time for a great season...go Herd, lets have fun!

How Sweep it is!

The Elkhorns battled adversity (again) as they won “everything they could” sweeping up in their 2^nd season. “Bring on Kaboom “shouted Presto speaking of the Elite division winners.

The Horns cruised through the round robin and things looked rosy, until the call came on Sunday morning. “The Commish called in the morning with a last minute change in game time and location” said Summer. “Luckily, we were able to get in touch with everyone and sneaked out the first win on Sunday against the Concrete Crushers.” They then took the diamond against the Dirt Bags. It was a bit closer, but again, when you’re a team on a mission, it is tough to stop the big Elkhorn train.

The fact that a quarter of the team went to the Tom Petty concert the night before and were noticeably “off” when they hit the diamond was of no concern for Summer. “This team is about depth, and good drafts have allowed this organization to have a solid succession plan where anyone can play at any time” boasted Summer.

The final game was a “beaut”. The Herd was actually down 2 runs against Batts of Fury, then Maura mentioned that she would buy a beer for every player that passed over home plate. Well, that would be the death of the opponents as the Horns cost Maura a shopping bag full of “brewskies” en route to the victory.

Here is a description of the final out in the Championship game. Rick pitched his trademark “knuckle slider”. She swung, missed, and the Herd won. Rick turned around and chuckled, “that was anti-climatic”; no truer statement was uttered all year. But when beer was on the line, the other team knew they were done.

Time for a commercial break.

Cowboy hat $20

Warm up beers $10

New Bat $175

Hugh striking out in the Championships – PRICELESS!

Back to our regular programming.

Injuries were a concern for the Summer GM as he chose to rest players during the round robin. “I sat down in a closed meeting with the Elkhorn GM and really it was a no brainer; we knew this team had depth, and would hold their own. But, there was no way anyone was going to sit much on Sunday, everyone was going to play”.

Playoff homer club included Hugh, Rob, Casual, Presto and Maura.

Year end awards:

• Best comeback player (Casual),,,he batted stellar in the last few weeks! Finally.


• Best fielder female (Kelly), also would have best bunter award, but only one is given out per player!


• Best wounded player (Presto). Hope surgery went OK.


• Best player with internal organs falling out (Hugh).


• Best Closer (Pete), always there in the big games.


• Best starting pitcher (Rick), and closed out the championship season for the Herd.


• Best 2B (Vanessa), actually got thrown out once at first and stood there is shock as most speed merchants do! Speed galore!


• Most HR’s Female (Maura), also stops balls on 1B with her knees!


• Best Catcher (Barb), got better every game throughout the season


• Best recovery from career ending injury (Nicola). Came back with a fury at bat!


• Least games played (Jeff). Still batted .500!


• Most cardiac arrests (Summer), ‘nuff said.


• Most versatile player (Dave), mind you, he never pitched or catched but there is always next year!


• Best infielder (female) Peggy. Corralled a few heaters this year, and a few off the ankles and shins!


• Best home run average (Rob)…Others were closing in on him as Rob ages.


• Best Hosts (Hugh and Tiny),,,, we only were able to hit Ricks’ one time other than their place….thanks! Rick/Vanessa were great hosts as well!

Team assets:

One set of barely used bases 50 bucks

About a half dozen bats 20 bucks

Lotsa used balls 10 bucks

Catchers Mask (yes we have one) 5 bucks

Total 85 bucks (garage sale value)

Team Debts:

None

Thanks to the “commish” for a great year!

It is rumored that the Herd may have earned a move up to 4^th division next year. Stay tuned for more info as those crafty Elmwood Elkhorns continue their mission towards the 2028 Super Seniors Co-Ed Canadian Championship!

Thanks for a good season - Summer

Injuries plague Kildonan Cup Favourites

It has been said that timing is everything, and things could not be worse for the Elkhorns just days before starting their 2008 playoff run.

"It's not the best situation but I have seen worse" said Summer. The Summer GM then reminisced about his time with the 1992 Rockglen Spitfires in the South Saskatchewan League. "It was horrible, everyone was hurt except our catcher. I played with a broken leg at short stop and we ended up beating Moosomin 14-9. Of all my championships, that one was the most satisfying to date."

That game was also the first time Summer and Hugh went head to head in a Championship final. "I saw this young prodigy playing for Moosomin" said Summer, "he was your typical cocky farm boy that was going to make it big one day. Sure he could play, but he needed mentoring, and he asked me to take him under my wing. I reluctantly agreed, and the rest is history. Now Hugh and his glove are on the cusp of something special, and I feel good for him."

Enough about the good old days, here is the injury report leading into the playoffs:

• Pete Right Ankle (Probable)
• Hugh Left Abdomen (Probable)
• Maura Right Knee (Day to Day)
• Preston Right Knee (Day to Day)
• Jeff Right Calf (Out)
• Summer Every joint (Day to Day, it always is)
  

There were also a few cocktails consumed after the team practice on Tuesday night. You can guarantee there were a few sore heads the next morning. Pictured are Hugh, Summer, and the Elkhorn GM around 4 am.
Noteworthy is the fact that Pete actually said a few times "I should get going", and Hugh just kept saying, "Just one more , wadaya think?". Naturally Summer stayed to ensure no one got hurt.

The practice earlier was rigorous with Summer putting the players through a series of conditioning drills followed by skills evaluations and finished off with Casual providing one on one tutoring of all the players in a skills "mini-camp". "He's been "observing" all year, and he knows where each player needs work" remarked the Summer GM. "We will be fine this weekend, just fine"

Friday night is the start of a new season, see you at the ball park!


Go Herd!

It's Playoff Time!

The 2008 Edition of the Elmwood Elkhorns is the hottest team in Softball, and they can play too! So far, the team has seen success by winning the League tournament and finishing first in their division. “All that is left for us now is to finish it off, to win the playoff’s” said Summer. “ Nothing else matters now, it’s a new season.”

Finishing first allows the Herd home team rights through the entire playoff weekend. “We’ll be taking first bats on Friday and Saturday, then last bats on Sunday” indicated the Summer GM. “It’s a winning strategy for a winning team."

It certainly was not a cake walk as Four Seasons came out to dethrone the Herd. They had it tied after regulation time ended, and then magic happened.

“Before I went up to bat, Hugh called me over, grabbed my arm and put it in my hand.” said Summer. It was beautiful, long and hard. “I knew you wanted to play with it” Hugh cooed to me. It was a little dusty, but as I rubbed my full palm along its length, it took on a luster almost seeming to energize, displaying a powerful presence. Hugh’s eyes lit up when I told him “I have never seen anything quite like it.” Hugh boasted “Earlier Rob was comparing mine to his and commented that it was something he wished he had.” “Most women find it intimidating at first and seem to prefer a smaller one like Rob’s, until they realize they can handle it” said a female player who asked to be kept anonymous.

Summer took the bat, and did what is expected out of the Big Bambino. A solo home run that triggered the team to score 9 runs to seal the victory.

“The women on the team batted lights out today, very solid hitting” indicated the Elkhorn GM.

Controversy on the diamond once again as the Umpire tried to call Summer on charging in on the bunt. “Thank goodness Summer understands the rules” said Preston. “ He told him once it leaves the pitchers hands he can move in, the Umpire had no clue”. “Then he got back at us with that cheap call he made on Dave saying he crossed the line before it left Casuals hand” said Rick. “There’s no way he could even see that from where he was!”

The Horns hit the diamond a few weekends from now looking to finish the job they started. They know when you’re at the top, everyone’s gunning for you. It’s nothing an Elkhorn hasn’t seen before during hunting season. They will be ready.

Playoff Weekend Friday Aug 10 – Sunday Aug 12 at Buhler Park!

Wednesday must be Bingo night.......

Wednesday, The Bingo's decided to dab their cards at the hall rather than mark the Elkhorns runs at the ball park.

"They stood us up; we wanted the runs" mumbled Rob. "We are close to being the top team in the league for runs scored, and then this!" The Herd could easily have scored 20 runs to catch Moments of Greatness for the League Scoring lead. "We still have one more game left, so we will be OK for runs but I still want first place though" remarked Hugh, "I'll do it myself if need be!"

After scoring no "Runs" in the evening, the Horns decided to set themselves up for "the runs" the following day by heading over to their favorite grazing field for a small get together.

Here are the evening Stats:

• Most drinks (could have been "Summer" but that "wuss" left early)
• Most ball scratchin' (Definitely Hugh)
• Most Coolers (Not sure what Casual was drinking but we will give this one to him for kicks)
• Hottest chick at the place (Definitely Kelly, she sat by the scorching fire all night)
• Sneakiest drinker (Gotta be Rob, he pounds 'em back, but you never really can tell...)
• Last male standing (Elkhorn GM, it always is)
• Most dedicated (Peggy, she had oral surgery and was out there to play)
  
• Most ball scrathin' for a female (Maura, I think Hugh was a little frisky that night)
• Most drunk players, just look at the oriental photo and tell me you are still not "looped"
  

Mind you , all of that aside, Maura and Kelly actually stayed up to ensure that the Elkhorn GM had his fill. It is not often anyone stays up longer than the man known as "The Axe!"

Attached are a few "pics" showing what really happened.

Maura is pictured "resting" after a hard evening taking down the Elkhorn GM. Note the Canadian bottles and Coronas validating the legitimacy of the photo. Kelly is shown in her sleeping spot after keeping up with Maura. And the Elkhorn GM meandered home to hit the computer for a few hours before calling it a night. "I like to have a few night caps and relax in my quiet time" indicated Pete. An artists rendition of the Elkhorn GM is all that was available at press time.



The Herd also escaped on Saturday with an 11-3 victory over Soulman's Misfits despite giving up their "first at bats" for not having enough players to start the game, and going through the entire game with an auto out. Those that came to play really showed why this organization has come as far as it has. "We all wanted to prove it to ourselves that we could over come the odds" said Hugh. "We did, and then some!"

Saturday hi lights were:

"Casuals" two (2) homers, Barb's scars at first base that will certainly present an uneven tan, and Summer "sallying" up to the bar for his three futile attempts at hitting a slow moving object.

"This is an interesting year, I normally would not even think of pitching for this squad, but look at me now!" indicated Ron (Casual Observer). " I love it!"

Pictured above is "Casual" pitching on Saturday. "The man is a machine out there" admired Peggy.

Casual mentioned he is also a machine in the sack, and Kelly's eyes opened a bit wider....so did "Summer's".

A Circus indeed...........

The Herd stepped up last night defeating Mittevil 15-13 and then coming back to form by coasting over the Masters of the Universe with a 24-11 walk in the park.

Frankly though, there were a comedy of errors by the team that took the A-Side Championship in the Season's Tourney. "It was tough to watch, it was a CIRCUS out there, luckily I have brought together a team not only gifted skill wise, but I really look at bringing in players that hate to lose" said the Summer GM. "Many teams get people that love to win: I want players that hate to lose, they play harder".

"Presto the Magnificent" was uncharacteristically "off" in the second game giving up a litany of errors. Thank goodness his big bat was working (he was targeted for the Elkhorn farm team, the Point Douglas L'il Antlers). But for now he will stay with the mother club as he works through his fielding issues. "I have faith in that man, he is having an off year, but we love the guy, honest, we do!" commented the Summer GM. "perhaps his leg is worse than he lets on". Pictured are Presto's Glove and bat as of late.

Casual had an issue with a strike out last night but went down "swinging". We all went down "swilling" as Casual stepped up and bought a round for the team. Thanks Ron! By the way, we are seriously looking at the DH rule now that you are pitching, it will save you a few bucks!

Peggy is to be "Blogged" for the first time ever..."what the hell was that woman?". You need sleep 'cause that was not the normal performance we have grown to enjoy.

Stacy did well with a blown thigh, Barb snagged a "beaut" at home plate, and Rob showed why he is playing the field more lately. (He knows why...hehe). Just kidding.

The Summer GM was mediocre as he works on his "refined" batting swing. "I am almost there, a few more good cuts and I will deliver big time for this club, hell, they expect me to!"

Rich spared again, and showed why it is good to be without body fat. He also showed us one of the longest hits this year over the fence albeit a foul ball. And Kelly, well, she showed Rob how to put accurate heat on the ball to first.
The evening Circus Stars (as chosen by an independent body) were Dave (just for showing up) and Ron for the round of drinks last night.
Notables for the night were Robb and Peggy as they were chosen as stars for the second game.

The Horns migrate to the Henderson Legion next Wednesday to play Over The Pants Hand Job (the team they beat in the A-Side Final). You can bet OTPHJ are looking for redemption.

Tickets available at all Mac's locations. Must be 18 yrs or over the limit to attend!

Herd chews Gristle enroute to season's 10th win

It wasn't pretty, and it was much closer than it should have been, but the Elkhorns won their 10th game of the season in spite of themselves.

Winning pitcher Rick went on record stating "I have never been picked apart like that before, was it me or were they just that good tonight? Nah, it couldn't have been me!"

To go 3 innings with no runs scored is not something the team is used to and clearly it threw them off. Craig and Vanessa communicated just like a husband and wife as they watched the ball drop between them. "That is why I don't like playing 2nd base" griped Vanessa, "I would rather play Catcher or or Rover, and the Summer GM knows that!"

The team had a few injuries/ailments that surely affected the output. "Summer" had a gimpy foot," Presto" has a bad knee (still can out run most of the team), "Hugh" is legally blind, and others fashioned themselves thus inhibiting optimum performance. Ron took a few "Casual" dips in the field and will certainly be "shouting it out" come laundry day.

Great fielding by Kelly and Peggy helped solidify the win. Dave was his usual "mediocre" self, and the Elkhorn GM continues to mold himself into the history books. "After this season I am pretty much a lock to be the first ever Elkhorn inducted into my own hall of fame" boasted Pete. "It feels good"

After the victory, the Horns migrated northeast to relish the victory at the abode now known as "The House of Gristle" (the guys and Peggy understand the joke). There were no mosquitoes; that happens when there are more cigars lit up than at a Cuban wedding! The worlds sports problems were addressed by the men, and muffin recipes were exchanged by the women. The kids looked like they had a blast. Thanks to Rick and Vanessa for hosting, we all had a great time.

A breaking story on the injury front. "Summer" is indicating his foot feels much better on Canada Day, however he is experiencing excruciating pain in his torso. Team doctors have diagnosed the injury as "extreme trauma to the abdomen, most likely caused by a blow to the area". "Spitting up blood is not something anyone enjoys" said a scared "Summer". "Unfortunately I was a tad loaded after the game and can't recall what might have happened."

Pictured below is Hugh on Canada Day after the teams binge.

The Herd steps up to the plate on Monday at 7:45 PM against Soulman's Misfits. Chalmers is where most of the team "cut their teeth" in sports so expect a few tears shed during the game as Hugh, Rick, Rob, Casual, Summer, Elkhorn GM, and Dave reflect on their contributions to the world of local amateur sports. Barb cut her teeth trying to dislodge her tongue from the backstop fence in January as a kid, so she will also have memories.

It's all about the victory....a little fun...and alot of success! Congrats "Herd" on A -Side Championship!

It's Tourney Time!

This weekend the Herd migrates to South Transcona seeking a second tournament championship.

They open against the Transcona Classics who coincidently moved the Horns to the B side in last years tourney costing them the overall championship. "I remember that loss like it was yesterday, it still burns inside when I think of it" reflected Rick. "one good thing came out of it for me though, I watched Napoleon Dynamite pitch and I have copied his style on the mound and with the chicks"

The Summer GM is happy with the anticipated team participation for this weekend. "Pretty much everyone is gonna be there which is great, we have an issue with our problem child leaving to watch a soccer game, but we will do fine with the Elkhorn GM absent."

The team has seen a number of incidences where they have been second fiddle this year. "We've had concerts a number of times getting in the way of things, and now a soccer game!? To make it worse, a soccer game with no real meaning." cursed the Summer GM. "It's all about the booze, he loves the booze" said a disappointed Rob.

With the team playing well, and a solid line up including the return of Hugh, the Elkhorns should satisfy the fans this weekend.

1st game is at 7:20 Pm on Friday night! Be there, or die trying to get there!

Bingo!

The Elkhorns cashed in on the Wednesday Night Jackpot! A 29-5 drubbing over The Bingos left Tony Robbins understanding why he needs to re-think his philosophy on motivation.

“He just does not understand that this team needs more than a warm touchy feeling speech! They are grown men and woman for gawd sakes” criticized the Summer GM.

The game started off with Casual Observer getting a “talking to” from our umpire friend. “He just started chirping at me about my placement in the batters box, I knew it was going to be an interesting night right then” murmured Ron.

“Then he started lighting into me about being too close to 3^rd base as a coach, and the play was no where near! I am sorry, but I don’t take entry level umpires talking condescendingly to me lightly! This is a beer ball league, he needs to chill a bit and stop antagonizing players. I think he gets a charge out of being the guy in control, we just have to deal with it I guess” said the Summer GM. “You mess with the bull, ya get the Horn; the Elkhorn that is. “What goes around comes around”.

Congratulations to Rick for entering the Elkhorn Homer club, a club that now boasts 5 men and 1 woman!

Stars of the game were Rob and Kelly.

Now for the game performance reports. The Summer GM had an uncharacteristic “off night” at second base. “I was in the wrong place a few times, thank goodness my errors did not cause any runs, I would not have slept well if that were the case”.

Ron found him self in an awkward moment as he “casually observed” his pop fly being dropped, then decided to run to first base only to be thrown out easily.
The Summer GM used this night for player development as well. Preston found himself at Shortstop for a bit and looked good. Pete found himself at second base for an inning and had a few issues with the 2 balls hit his way “I totally respect Craig and Vanessa now that I have actually played 2^nd, it is tougher than it looks, and they make it look easy!” marveled the Elkhorn GM.

The bats were flying with Craig, Maura, and Peggy all batting 1.000 for the night.

Barb “wowed” the fans with her stand up triple, and Kelly showed bunting prowess in her last at bat.

Vanessa showed bionic woman like speed while batting .667 for the night.

And Hugh, after a 29-5 slaughter, well, let’s just say the media was heard saying "Hugh who?"

Heads are Gonna Roll

Enuff said!

What the hell was that this week? We call ourselves a ball team?

Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, am I playing the best I can?

I can tell you, the answer is no!

I can also tell you that changes are in the works!




"We need to limit our errors" anguished the Summer GM. "We really are not fielding well, our technique is brutal".

Add to that the Herd's positional play....."4 homers? Hello? WTF is that? Move back a bit in the field! There should be no more home runs this year! Period! Any one that lets a ball past them in the field buys a round! End of discussion!" Yelled Tiny Glove in disappointment.

"Our infield was second rate tonight....did you see how the other team fielded the ball? They got in front of everything!" lamented Hugh. "They even snagged one of mine, so you know they were on their game!"

"And what is up with throwing the ball when there is no play?" said a very concerned Elkhorn GM from Ron's chair.

The Herd needs to shape things up, and Heads are gonna roll if the players continue with their antics. "Yes, I said antics...they have to know they are playing for the name on the front of the shirt, not the name on the back!" the Summer GM screamed.

"Sure, lets all have fun drinking afterwards; let me tell you, it is alot more fun drinking after a win than a loss!" squawked Casual Observer.

The Herd needs to decide, are they playing for fun, if so, next year there is a nice little church league in St Boniface they can play, or are they playing like "Elmwood" and do the green, white and blue proud?

Rick was seen leaving Smitty's telling reporters "no comment" as they were looking for some insight into the Elkhorns Locker room. "The Summer GM has told us to withhold comments at this time" yiped Rick.

Clearly, this team needs a shake up. The Summer GM had one closing comment to a bewildered media outside of Smitty's. "Tell the team I am coming to the next game, and I am bringing hell with me!"

Debut of many show results!

This reporter does not like to boast, but he was bang on last week when he reported the Herd were missing their big guns whilst splitting their first two games. Both the Summer GM (Big Bambino) and Hugh Glove showed up and did not disappoint.

As reported last week, the team underachieved with a .500 record without the big men, but tonight, the Horns showed they are clearly a better team with the star players in place. Both Hugh and Summer batted 1.000 tonight to lead the team to victory.

After a 12-4 drowsing of the Transcona Classics Hugh was able to meet with the media and mentioned he was still exhausted from playing last week in the Asian League All-Star Game. "I can't believe it, they actually rub my feet over there!" laughed Hugh.

"I do need to mention that the Summer GM did a job out there and had a great feel for the lumber tonight...hopefully my lumber will get taken care of later" said Hugh as he looked over at Maura with bedroom eyes.

Notable player moves tonight showed Vanessa playing Rover (under duress). "I just wish she had the same confidence in herself as I do in her, she is more than a one dimensional player" indicated the Summer GM at a Chi Chi's post game interview. "Basically, she played right behind second all night, so she should have been comfortable".

Rob homered again....."ho hum...yawn........"

Casual Observer seemed cumbersome sporting a new look glove. " It is tough to get over the Pita, I hope this new feeling is short lived" indicated Ron as he oiled his new glove. "Beauji had the big one last year, and when I saw this baby, I just had to have it!"

Players of the night were Peggy and Preston. Congratulations to you both.

Dave and Nicola celebrated their 20th anniversary with the team tonight. Dave was looking to round the bases later during the evening and was seen with a lump in his pants making the rest of the team question whether it was a salt shaker in his pants or just his anticipation of 2 minutes of lovin' once they got home . Congrats to the happy couple.

Next week the team plays both nights and by the end of the week should be 4 for 5 and sitting at 80% winning percentage.

Horns stumble without star players

The Summer GM looked down at the table when told of his teams dismal start to the 2008 Season.

The Elkhorns opened up with a loss in the first game being "mercied" by Soulman's Misfits and then returned to form by "kicking" Field of Nightmares.

"Basically the Misfits are FAQ for gawd sakes!" indicated Craig, "we dominated them last year!"

Predictions of winning 85% of their games this year are not over yet, however the Herd needs to get their big guns back int he line up soon! Hugh and the Summer GM both were absent on Monday night and it's clear the squad is a .500 team without them.

"I was in the cock pit of the plane telling the pilot to step on it" indicated Hugh. "He kept pushing back and ranting about regulations crap!" Hugh knew the team was in jeopardy unless he got there.

"I blew a $40 Proline!" sobbed Pete. He was not the only better that night that chose the Elks.

Others were speculated to have had their money on the Elkhorns as well indicating the allegations are false and they have never placed money on any sporting event, let alone an event as significant as the Elkhorns season opener.



The Team is looking forward to getting all the players in the line up soon with the likes of Dave and Nicola also suiting up in the near future.

On the injury front, Jeff was sporting a colorful mosaic on his calf and the team is hopeful for a healthy return.

Casual Observer (Ron) saw the moths fly out of his wallet as he made good on his proclamation to buy a drink for anyone who homers in their first at bat. Rob rounded the bases 3X! Casual may have to dip into his signing bonus once again as there will be more first time batters stepping up over the next few games.

The next showdown is on Wednesday night against the Classics. After having their antlers broken by the Classics in the Season Tourney last year, look for the Horns to come out fast!

Anyone wanna bet?

Upcoming Events

Monday May 12
Elkhorns Give Back
ABC, 8 pm EST
The Elkhorns assist the less fortunate in this 1 hour TV special.

Wednesday May 14
Elmwood Elkhorns vs Transcona Classics
7:40 PM,Keenleyside Park

Play Ball !!

This year’s edition of the Elmwood Elkhorns promises to excite even the casual softball fan. Off season acquisitions and early spring trades have made for a very excited Summer GM.

After one short season, the Elkhorns already have a depth chart that would make most Major League teams green with envy.

New Players

“Last fall I started wooing both Kelly and Preston, I have them locked into long term performance deals. That means, as long as they continue to perform, they will continue to be part of this dynasty.”

Like all experienced GM’s, Craig has let some intuition take over in some of his decisions. “Dave and Nicola, I have not seen them play, but my spidey sense tells me that they will be strong contributors this year. We needed to bring in Dave to ensure that Rick is no longer our least skilled player”, clearly a motivational tactic employed by the Summer GM.

Pulling Peggy out of the FAQ organization was big feather in the GM's cap. “She brings competitive experience and a fantastic outlook to the game” boasted Craig.

Craig was salivating about his newest male member, commenting that “Jeff ensures that we will get some of the hockey pool winnings back at Smitty’s one night; that was a big part of the deal there”.

Old players

Hugh Glove and the Elkhorn GM flexed some tenure muscle with Hugh laying out a talent edict and Pete insisting on a no trade clause ala Sundin. Expect Casual Observer to start squawking about something soon so as to not be left behind.

Rob was seen at a black and blue event in the Osborne Village. At least now we understand why he wore those funky leather chaps.

Past Players

There is also a lot of pressure playing for the Horns as the organization saw a few casualties fall by the wayside. Kris we will miss and rumors are that Dan broke down after falling subject to a GM tongue lashing late last season. We hope the folks in the ward are taking good care of our former star pitcher.

Team Supporters

Smitty’s has stepped up to the proverbial plate once again so a few additional calories will be added to the team in the form of Beer, Nachos, Wings, and umm Beer! Let’s continue to show the Smitty’s franchise the same support they are providing to the Elkhorn franchise. Also warm thanks to the “Commish” for his support of the Herd.

Season Predictions

• The horns will win 85% of their games this year (gotta throw a few to position for playoffs)
• At least 5 thighs will need medical attention
• Pete may hit his first home run (he has been working out)
• Rick and Vanessa will marry at home plate (Rick clearly will do so under duress). This one pays 500-1 for you betters out there!
• Ron will perform well at catcher
• Craig will add to his record of the winningest GM in Elkhorn history
• The Elkhorn trophy cabinet will be garnished with additional hardware by year’s end.
• All will have fun.
• And finally, the BLOG will see more hits than Mr Magoo parking his car!

We open up with a double header on Monday night! Location is the Legion at Henderson and the Perimeter!

First game is on Monday May 5th @6:20 pm. Second game is right after! See if we can all be there at 6 pm!

Let’s enjoy the summer fun. PLAY BALL!

Stretch those Thighs!

The season is soon upon us and many of us had issues last year with pulled quadriceps.

"I shouldn't have to remind them, but we had players showing up in jeans, sandals, and wife beaters" last year, remarked Craig, "we gotta come out ready".




This is the year that shows last year was no fluke.



Thanks to Pete and Maura for allowing us to post pictures of their thighs.

Get your Quarters ready!

Unless we can find a few more gals, we just might have to play a different sort of baseball this year.

Remember this Pinball Machine? Did they ever have it at Rady's Grill?

OK...short Blog at this point.

Oh yeah, let's all welcome Preston, Dave and Nicola to the Dynasty! Oh, and Kelly, still working on her for a full time "gig"...hehe...

All is good, we just need a little more Estrogen to "almost" balance out the extreme Testosterone that will grace the field. Yes ladies, we are Woman Candy!

It's a new season...

Spring is here! And with spring comes new additions to the Herd. “Presto the Magnificent” is sprouting horns and Kelly is starting to show her softball libido!

The Summer GM has been busy in the off season looking for quality talent to add to the Roster. “Presto", (Preston) allow us to play with only 3 fielders….that guy has some range!”

“Kelly adds another dimension to the team, great batting, fielding, and as good an arm you’ll find!” Craig said as he marveled in his off season acquisitions.

Unfortunate is that Kelly is only able to play part time which leaves additional gaps and the Horns looking for a few more “yearlings”.

“I still have a little bit of work to do here, again, dynasties are not built over night; I started with a plan, and we are on track. The goal is the Canadian Super Senior Championship in 2028” remarked the Summer GM. “Hey, without a plan, how can ya get there, right?”

“The Elkhorns are like potato chips, trust me, Kelly will not be able to stay away for one day a week, we are the crack cocaine of the league!” spewed the Summer GM.

The front office is still waiting to hear if “Dan the Man” is able to pitch and if he has recovered from the bout of heel problems that sidelined him late in the year. Also, Kris will leave a gap in right field if she is unable to suit up this season.

“Not to worry, we have a pretty solid depth chart and if needed, I will start some moves” indicated a confident Summer GM.

“Last year we had a team filled pretty much with rookies, now look for the magic to start” boasted Craig rubbing his hands over the 2008 campaign. “We have Pete, Ron, Rob, Mark, Craig, Rick, and Preston wreaking of testosterone, and so far we have Maura, Barb, Vanessa, and Kelly boiling estrogen this year” added Elkhorn GM (Pete) during a pre season media day.

Hopefully Hugh Glove will keep his consistent intake of Coronas this year as it certainly helped his play.

Regardless of divisional placement, look for the herd to lock horns tough this year with every challenger. “We got robbed last year, not that “B” side Champs is bad, we just did not show what we were capable of” murmured Craig.

It’s a new season, now go and have some fun!

-Larry King (CNN)

We are the (B-Side) Champions

The vision came to reality. The Herd won the B-side championship by defeating the only team that beat them in the playoffs. The championship team is pictured, unfortunately Kris and Dan were unable to make the photo shoot.

Some say B-side is not a Championship. The Summer GM begs to differ.

"Remember, this is a start up franchise. All the players worked very hard this year to attain respect out there. I'd say a 20-8-1 season deserves recognition!" yiped a proud Summer GM.

"This what the book (Built to Win) is all about, it's about building a winning franchise. You don't build a house without a solid foundation, I have never seen a foundation as solid as this one!" "This season was very special, and I am very proud of the guys and gals, they really brought it together!" commended the Summer GM. "The score card showing the 9-6 victory is shown above."

" RESULTS NOT EXCUSES, it summed it up pretty darn well!" added Hugh Glove. "You saw results out there, no one made excuses. "For me it is just another successful season, I am just glad to be a part of this organization."

Noted was the Summer GM's lobbying for new talent for next year as he was seen buying "Presto" the magnificent a few beers and attempted to lure Kelly with Elkhorn paraphernalia and the promise of a date with Casual Observer. Not sure which one is helping. "Owners and GM's of clubs don't sleep, we are always looking for talent that the team can gel with. Kelly and Presto just might have an opportunity to get past the spare board, and yes, they both met the league requirements for the August finale" indicated the Summer GM, "make no mistake, I might make errors on the field, but not in the team office!"

Here are the Elkhorn awards for 2007!

Most HR's (Rob) Most positions Played (Craig) <== Clearly the most versatile or unplaceable Best speed bar none (Vanessa) Best fielder (Mark) Heartiest Liver (Pete) Best starting Pitcher (Dan) Best closing Pitcher (Rick) Best use of food for a glove (Ron) Just the Best Period! (Maura) Best Female fielder (Kris) Best Base Runner (Presto) Most Improved (Barb) Most game stars for a 12 yr old (Stefanie) Best winning percentage (Kelly) I think she only lost 2 games with us this year.

Team Financials

Debts

-$32.00

Assets

6 old balls, 4 new balls, 6 bats (used), one pitching plate, one home plate, one beat up 1st aid kit, one slightly used score book, one never used catchers mask. Approx value $80.00

Net Team Equity

$48.00

Team thanks to The Commish for use of bases and for the bats and to the Glove family for use of their wonderful home throughout the year.

Enjoy the rest of the Summer and see you all on September 7th at the Awards presentation (bring a closet of hangers for the shirts!).

Do ya think Hugh Glove (pictured below front middle) had no clue what was going on!

Luv ya Hugh!

Oops! I did it again!

OK summer GM, apparently it is not getting through. so we will explain it in crayon english with pictures!



This ========>












Never touches THIS! =====>





OK, now here is a synopsis of yesterdays terrible loss. And just to make a bad scene worse, here is what we lost to.



Summer GM touched home plate AGAIN!
Ron was casually observing the pitcher whist he was being tagged. Hello! Knock knock! Is anybody in there?
Vanessa made an All-Star triple
Rick put on a clinic in getting on base (odds are he got on base later that evening as well)
Hugh Glove did everything he could, but one man can't do it all (although he came close!)
Rob failed to "homer", we expect that out of our big hitters
Preston seemed off, look for him to recover big time on Saturday
Kelly showed some bunting power and solid fielding
Barb, well she tries.
Maura plugged along in Hugh's shadow, look for her to kick it up on Saturday

As far as results,,, nope, did not happen. Backs are up against the wall, rumours are the Herd needs to "mercy" the rest of the way.

It's Playoff time! Time to start a streak!

Time to start those playoff beards gents! Friday morning is the last time you shave until the Kildonan Cup is hoisted! Remember, all we have to do is win the last game!

One look at the final standings and it is clear that we came in second place HOWEVER it is also clear that we scored MORE runs than any team and allowed LESS runs than any team.


Vegas Odds:

Ump Yours 2/1
Elkhorns 3/2
Stuck on Third 7-1
Pitching Tents 10-1
Lost Tribe 100-1
All others 50-1

Injury Report:

Craig , pulled left calf (Probable), Pete, marriage (Out), Ron, aching right shoulder (day to day), Rob, Scabby knees (Likely), Dan, plantar faciitis (Out), Maura, broken bra strap (will go without).

Ladies, if you choose not to shave that is totally fine with the guys as well. Just get your Brazilians done on Monday!

No more excuses.

It's been all fun and games until now. NOW it's about Results!