Heads are Gonna Roll

Enuff said!

What the hell was that this week? We call ourselves a ball team?

Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, am I playing the best I can?

I can tell you, the answer is no!

I can also tell you that changes are in the works!




"We need to limit our errors" anguished the Summer GM. "We really are not fielding well, our technique is brutal".

Add to that the Herd's positional play....."4 homers? Hello? WTF is that? Move back a bit in the field! There should be no more home runs this year! Period! Any one that lets a ball past them in the field buys a round! End of discussion!" Yelled Tiny Glove in disappointment.

"Our infield was second rate tonight....did you see how the other team fielded the ball? They got in front of everything!" lamented Hugh. "They even snagged one of mine, so you know they were on their game!"

"And what is up with throwing the ball when there is no play?" said a very concerned Elkhorn GM from Ron's chair.

The Herd needs to shape things up, and Heads are gonna roll if the players continue with their antics. "Yes, I said antics...they have to know they are playing for the name on the front of the shirt, not the name on the back!" the Summer GM screamed.

"Sure, lets all have fun drinking afterwards; let me tell you, it is alot more fun drinking after a win than a loss!" squawked Casual Observer.

The Herd needs to decide, are they playing for fun, if so, next year there is a nice little church league in St Boniface they can play, or are they playing like "Elmwood" and do the green, white and blue proud?

Rick was seen leaving Smitty's telling reporters "no comment" as they were looking for some insight into the Elkhorns Locker room. "The Summer GM has told us to withhold comments at this time" yiped Rick.

Clearly, this team needs a shake up. The Summer GM had one closing comment to a bewildered media outside of Smitty's. "Tell the team I am coming to the next game, and I am bringing hell with me!"

Debut of many show results!

This reporter does not like to boast, but he was bang on last week when he reported the Herd were missing their big guns whilst splitting their first two games. Both the Summer GM (Big Bambino) and Hugh Glove showed up and did not disappoint.

As reported last week, the team underachieved with a .500 record without the big men, but tonight, the Horns showed they are clearly a better team with the star players in place. Both Hugh and Summer batted 1.000 tonight to lead the team to victory.

After a 12-4 drowsing of the Transcona Classics Hugh was able to meet with the media and mentioned he was still exhausted from playing last week in the Asian League All-Star Game. "I can't believe it, they actually rub my feet over there!" laughed Hugh.

"I do need to mention that the Summer GM did a job out there and had a great feel for the lumber tonight...hopefully my lumber will get taken care of later" said Hugh as he looked over at Maura with bedroom eyes.

Notable player moves tonight showed Vanessa playing Rover (under duress). "I just wish she had the same confidence in herself as I do in her, she is more than a one dimensional player" indicated the Summer GM at a Chi Chi's post game interview. "Basically, she played right behind second all night, so she should have been comfortable".

Rob homered again....."ho hum...yawn........"

Casual Observer seemed cumbersome sporting a new look glove. " It is tough to get over the Pita, I hope this new feeling is short lived" indicated Ron as he oiled his new glove. "Beauji had the big one last year, and when I saw this baby, I just had to have it!"

Players of the night were Peggy and Preston. Congratulations to you both.

Dave and Nicola celebrated their 20th anniversary with the team tonight. Dave was looking to round the bases later during the evening and was seen with a lump in his pants making the rest of the team question whether it was a salt shaker in his pants or just his anticipation of 2 minutes of lovin' once they got home . Congrats to the happy couple.

Next week the team plays both nights and by the end of the week should be 4 for 5 and sitting at 80% winning percentage.

Horns stumble without star players

The Summer GM looked down at the table when told of his teams dismal start to the 2008 Season.

The Elkhorns opened up with a loss in the first game being "mercied" by Soulman's Misfits and then returned to form by "kicking" Field of Nightmares.

"Basically the Misfits are FAQ for gawd sakes!" indicated Craig, "we dominated them last year!"

Predictions of winning 85% of their games this year are not over yet, however the Herd needs to get their big guns back int he line up soon! Hugh and the Summer GM both were absent on Monday night and it's clear the squad is a .500 team without them.

"I was in the cock pit of the plane telling the pilot to step on it" indicated Hugh. "He kept pushing back and ranting about regulations crap!" Hugh knew the team was in jeopardy unless he got there.

"I blew a $40 Proline!" sobbed Pete. He was not the only better that night that chose the Elks.

Others were speculated to have had their money on the Elkhorns as well indicating the allegations are false and they have never placed money on any sporting event, let alone an event as significant as the Elkhorns season opener.



The Team is looking forward to getting all the players in the line up soon with the likes of Dave and Nicola also suiting up in the near future.

On the injury front, Jeff was sporting a colorful mosaic on his calf and the team is hopeful for a healthy return.

Casual Observer (Ron) saw the moths fly out of his wallet as he made good on his proclamation to buy a drink for anyone who homers in their first at bat. Rob rounded the bases 3X! Casual may have to dip into his signing bonus once again as there will be more first time batters stepping up over the next few games.

The next showdown is on Wednesday night against the Classics. After having their antlers broken by the Classics in the Season Tourney last year, look for the Horns to come out fast!

Anyone wanna bet?

Upcoming Events

Monday May 12
Elkhorns Give Back
ABC, 8 pm EST
The Elkhorns assist the less fortunate in this 1 hour TV special.

Wednesday May 14
Elmwood Elkhorns vs Transcona Classics
7:40 PM,Keenleyside Park

Play Ball !!

This year’s edition of the Elmwood Elkhorns promises to excite even the casual softball fan. Off season acquisitions and early spring trades have made for a very excited Summer GM.

After one short season, the Elkhorns already have a depth chart that would make most Major League teams green with envy.

New Players

“Last fall I started wooing both Kelly and Preston, I have them locked into long term performance deals. That means, as long as they continue to perform, they will continue to be part of this dynasty.”

Like all experienced GM’s, Craig has let some intuition take over in some of his decisions. “Dave and Nicola, I have not seen them play, but my spidey sense tells me that they will be strong contributors this year. We needed to bring in Dave to ensure that Rick is no longer our least skilled player”, clearly a motivational tactic employed by the Summer GM.

Pulling Peggy out of the FAQ organization was big feather in the GM's cap. “She brings competitive experience and a fantastic outlook to the game” boasted Craig.

Craig was salivating about his newest male member, commenting that “Jeff ensures that we will get some of the hockey pool winnings back at Smitty’s one night; that was a big part of the deal there”.

Old players

Hugh Glove and the Elkhorn GM flexed some tenure muscle with Hugh laying out a talent edict and Pete insisting on a no trade clause ala Sundin. Expect Casual Observer to start squawking about something soon so as to not be left behind.

Rob was seen at a black and blue event in the Osborne Village. At least now we understand why he wore those funky leather chaps.

Past Players

There is also a lot of pressure playing for the Horns as the organization saw a few casualties fall by the wayside. Kris we will miss and rumors are that Dan broke down after falling subject to a GM tongue lashing late last season. We hope the folks in the ward are taking good care of our former star pitcher.

Team Supporters

Smitty’s has stepped up to the proverbial plate once again so a few additional calories will be added to the team in the form of Beer, Nachos, Wings, and umm Beer! Let’s continue to show the Smitty’s franchise the same support they are providing to the Elkhorn franchise. Also warm thanks to the “Commish” for his support of the Herd.

Season Predictions

• The horns will win 85% of their games this year (gotta throw a few to position for playoffs)
• At least 5 thighs will need medical attention
• Pete may hit his first home run (he has been working out)
• Rick and Vanessa will marry at home plate (Rick clearly will do so under duress). This one pays 500-1 for you betters out there!
• Ron will perform well at catcher
• Craig will add to his record of the winningest GM in Elkhorn history
• The Elkhorn trophy cabinet will be garnished with additional hardware by year’s end.
• All will have fun.
• And finally, the BLOG will see more hits than Mr Magoo parking his car!

We open up with a double header on Monday night! Location is the Legion at Henderson and the Perimeter!

First game is on Monday May 5th @6:20 pm. Second game is right after! See if we can all be there at 6 pm!

Let’s enjoy the summer fun. PLAY BALL!

Stretch those Thighs!

The season is soon upon us and many of us had issues last year with pulled quadriceps.

"I shouldn't have to remind them, but we had players showing up in jeans, sandals, and wife beaters" last year, remarked Craig, "we gotta come out ready".




This is the year that shows last year was no fluke.



Thanks to Pete and Maura for allowing us to post pictures of their thighs.

Get your Quarters ready!

Unless we can find a few more gals, we just might have to play a different sort of baseball this year.

Remember this Pinball Machine? Did they ever have it at Rady's Grill?

OK...short Blog at this point.

Oh yeah, let's all welcome Preston, Dave and Nicola to the Dynasty! Oh, and Kelly, still working on her for a full time "gig"...hehe...

All is good, we just need a little more Estrogen to "almost" balance out the extreme Testosterone that will grace the field. Yes ladies, we are Woman Candy!

It's a new season...

Spring is here! And with spring comes new additions to the Herd. “Presto the Magnificent” is sprouting horns and Kelly is starting to show her softball libido!

The Summer GM has been busy in the off season looking for quality talent to add to the Roster. “Presto", (Preston) allow us to play with only 3 fielders….that guy has some range!”

“Kelly adds another dimension to the team, great batting, fielding, and as good an arm you’ll find!” Craig said as he marveled in his off season acquisitions.

Unfortunate is that Kelly is only able to play part time which leaves additional gaps and the Horns looking for a few more “yearlings”.

“I still have a little bit of work to do here, again, dynasties are not built over night; I started with a plan, and we are on track. The goal is the Canadian Super Senior Championship in 2028” remarked the Summer GM. “Hey, without a plan, how can ya get there, right?”

“The Elkhorns are like potato chips, trust me, Kelly will not be able to stay away for one day a week, we are the crack cocaine of the league!” spewed the Summer GM.

The front office is still waiting to hear if “Dan the Man” is able to pitch and if he has recovered from the bout of heel problems that sidelined him late in the year. Also, Kris will leave a gap in right field if she is unable to suit up this season.

“Not to worry, we have a pretty solid depth chart and if needed, I will start some moves” indicated a confident Summer GM.

“Last year we had a team filled pretty much with rookies, now look for the magic to start” boasted Craig rubbing his hands over the 2008 campaign. “We have Pete, Ron, Rob, Mark, Craig, Rick, and Preston wreaking of testosterone, and so far we have Maura, Barb, Vanessa, and Kelly boiling estrogen this year” added Elkhorn GM (Pete) during a pre season media day.

Hopefully Hugh Glove will keep his consistent intake of Coronas this year as it certainly helped his play.

Regardless of divisional placement, look for the herd to lock horns tough this year with every challenger. “We got robbed last year, not that “B” side Champs is bad, we just did not show what we were capable of” murmured Craig.

It’s a new season, now go and have some fun!

-Larry King (CNN)

We are the (B-Side) Champions

The vision came to reality. The Herd won the B-side championship by defeating the only team that beat them in the playoffs. The championship team is pictured, unfortunately Kris and Dan were unable to make the photo shoot.

Some say B-side is not a Championship. The Summer GM begs to differ.

"Remember, this is a start up franchise. All the players worked very hard this year to attain respect out there. I'd say a 20-8-1 season deserves recognition!" yiped a proud Summer GM.

"This what the book (Built to Win) is all about, it's about building a winning franchise. You don't build a house without a solid foundation, I have never seen a foundation as solid as this one!" "This season was very special, and I am very proud of the guys and gals, they really brought it together!" commended the Summer GM. "The score card showing the 9-6 victory is shown above."

" RESULTS NOT EXCUSES, it summed it up pretty darn well!" added Hugh Glove. "You saw results out there, no one made excuses. "For me it is just another successful season, I am just glad to be a part of this organization."

Noted was the Summer GM's lobbying for new talent for next year as he was seen buying "Presto" the magnificent a few beers and attempted to lure Kelly with Elkhorn paraphernalia and the promise of a date with Casual Observer. Not sure which one is helping. "Owners and GM's of clubs don't sleep, we are always looking for talent that the team can gel with. Kelly and Presto just might have an opportunity to get past the spare board, and yes, they both met the league requirements for the August finale" indicated the Summer GM, "make no mistake, I might make errors on the field, but not in the team office!"

Here are the Elkhorn awards for 2007!

Most HR's (Rob) Most positions Played (Craig) <== Clearly the most versatile or unplaceable Best speed bar none (Vanessa) Best fielder (Mark) Heartiest Liver (Pete) Best starting Pitcher (Dan) Best closing Pitcher (Rick) Best use of food for a glove (Ron) Just the Best Period! (Maura) Best Female fielder (Kris) Best Base Runner (Presto) Most Improved (Barb) Most game stars for a 12 yr old (Stefanie) Best winning percentage (Kelly) I think she only lost 2 games with us this year.

Team Financials

Debts

-$32.00

Assets

6 old balls, 4 new balls, 6 bats (used), one pitching plate, one home plate, one beat up 1st aid kit, one slightly used score book, one never used catchers mask. Approx value $80.00

Net Team Equity

$48.00

Team thanks to The Commish for use of bases and for the bats and to the Glove family for use of their wonderful home throughout the year.

Enjoy the rest of the Summer and see you all on September 7th at the Awards presentation (bring a closet of hangers for the shirts!).

Do ya think Hugh Glove (pictured below front middle) had no clue what was going on!

Luv ya Hugh!

Oops! I did it again!

OK summer GM, apparently it is not getting through. so we will explain it in crayon english with pictures!



This ========>












Never touches THIS! =====>





OK, now here is a synopsis of yesterdays terrible loss. And just to make a bad scene worse, here is what we lost to.



Summer GM touched home plate AGAIN!
Ron was casually observing the pitcher whist he was being tagged. Hello! Knock knock! Is anybody in there?
Vanessa made an All-Star triple
Rick put on a clinic in getting on base (odds are he got on base later that evening as well)
Hugh Glove did everything he could, but one man can't do it all (although he came close!)
Rob failed to "homer", we expect that out of our big hitters
Preston seemed off, look for him to recover big time on Saturday
Kelly showed some bunting power and solid fielding
Barb, well she tries.
Maura plugged along in Hugh's shadow, look for her to kick it up on Saturday

As far as results,,, nope, did not happen. Backs are up against the wall, rumours are the Herd needs to "mercy" the rest of the way.

It's Playoff time! Time to start a streak!

Time to start those playoff beards gents! Friday morning is the last time you shave until the Kildonan Cup is hoisted! Remember, all we have to do is win the last game!

One look at the final standings and it is clear that we came in second place HOWEVER it is also clear that we scored MORE runs than any team and allowed LESS runs than any team.


Vegas Odds:

Ump Yours 2/1
Elkhorns 3/2
Stuck on Third 7-1
Pitching Tents 10-1
Lost Tribe 100-1
All others 50-1

Injury Report:

Craig , pulled left calf (Probable), Pete, marriage (Out), Ron, aching right shoulder (day to day), Rob, Scabby knees (Likely), Dan, plantar faciitis (Out), Maura, broken bra strap (will go without).

Ladies, if you choose not to shave that is totally fine with the guys as well. Just get your Brazilians done on Monday!

No more excuses.

It's been all fun and games until now. NOW it's about Results!

We've Lost him........Another one bites the dust!

The magnet a' la chix is soon to be taken.

Soon, very soon, the man that many said is too much man for any woman will wed in an undisclosed place at an undisclosed time. Rumours are that it will be in the next few weeks.

The Elkhorn GM (AKA Pete) has been tight lipped about the ceremony only saying "it will be small, not a big deal, then I am taking a few weeks to recover."

Look for paparazzi helicopters in East Kildonan or Caddy Lake as a sign that the "deed" is being done.

Disgruntled about the lack of invites, fellow players are looking to crash the wedding once the word is out regarding the event. "That is what triggered the film" griped Casual Observer.

"We started shooting once we heard about it, all we need now is a few live shots at the wedding and we probably will be able to wrap up filming" said director Michael Moore. "It was great to have a guest appearance from Nick Nolte to star as Pete, this will definitely be THE box office smash this summer!" touted Moore.

On a related note, the Elmwood Herald leaked photos of a few of Pete's friends from "ALIVE" that apparently have received invites (Below right, pictured from the dock at Caddy).

"Hey, he can invite whoever he wants, I noticed he hasn't been hangin' with us much lately, I guess he has some new pals that he's into" declared the Summer GM. "Looking at them, I hope he is not literally into them".

All aside, good wishes to the happy couple Cathy and Pete, good luck on your day and future together from your friends.

Don't Step on the Plate!

Yes, it happened again. Baseball's winning est manager did a no no last night.

After hitting an easy single, followed by a few over throws, the Summer GM waltzed home only to realize at the last second that he touched home plate. "I can't believe I did that" seethed a humble Summer GM. "I expect the rookies to make that kinda mistake, not our skilled players!"

This is the second time this year that the man who should know better did the ultimate Softball Nasty. "I sat down and discussed his future with the team and basically told him his 3rd strike will have him released" indicated the Elkhorn GM.

Truth of the matter is, that the game was not lost due to poor decision making while running the bases, it was lost by awkward defensive play. "Stuck on Third" last night was also "Stuck on Bunting!". "Alright this is enough of this crap!" yelled a vocal Hugh Glove. "Tiny Glove get in there, pinch in." instructed Hugh.

A hesitant Tiny moved in after lengthy discussion of possible sexual hold backs if Hugh continued with his tantrum!

Soon the bunts stopped, but too little, too late. A mercy rule loss was the end result.

"We shoulda done that much earlier" said Hugh, "I can't be expected to be a golden glover, a batting force and a coach, mind you, I could do it all, it's just not in my contract!" "Also, I never arrive on time, so there is no way I could manage!"

You can be sure the Herd won't be bunted to death like last night anytime soon.

Final Regular Season game is July 30th at Keeleyside Park, 6:20 pm!

Great teams win tough games (almost).

The Elkhorns thought they squeaked out an 8-7 victory last night in front of 11 fans with an unlikely hero finishing the Transcona Classics in extra innings

Their lumber was as bad as it gets with the notable absence of Summer GM’s strength at the plate. They started out fast and jumped to a 6-0 lead, and then the bats went cold with the Classics retiring 13 of the next 14 batters to tie the game.

After sitting out the game with an injury, the Summer GM was about to take matters into his own hands with the apparent winning run on second by inserting himself into the batting line up. He was over ruled by the Elkhorn GM (pictured) who stepped up to the plate and launched the ball over second base to drive in the winning run.

“Great players don’t shy away from the ball, they want it and they want it in critical situations” murmured Hugh Glove.

Dan took home the team player award by offering to sit the latter part of the game. Mind you, Pete did offer to sit (not thinking his time may come to be a real life Kirk Gibson), however the Summer GM could not swing the substitution. Some call it destiny, others call it dumb luck. In any case, the Elkhorn GM demonstrated ability never captured before. “I felt good after the Red Bull kicked in” said Pete exhaling a DuMaurier. “There was no way I was gonna deny the team this victory, I’ve made too many errors this year. I needed to redeem myself.”

Word from the commissioner after the game was that there should not have been extra innings and the game (and the heroics) will go down as a 7-7 tie. That means, Pete’s performance NEVER happened and could eradicate his game star selection as well. “That’s Bull Fuck, it happens every goddam time to me!” screamed the Elkhorn GM! “I am putting up the funds to protest this one! Jesus Christ!!!!”

“I feel bad for the guy” chirped Ron (Casual Observer), “he really tries hard out there and we all thought the monkey was off his back.”

Game stars were Pete (under review) and Vanessa.

Rumblings about management making more changes were substantiated by Summer GM in après game discussions.

“Rick is playing well at pitcher. My only hesitation is to use him in critical situations” said the Summer GM reflecting on his rookie hurler. “I’ll get Dan working with him, Rick needs to be ready for the playoffs”.

The locker room banter is that management is moving players around and some players do not like where they are playing. “Listen, it’s my job to get the most out of the team, I don’t move people just because. There are reasons, some of which are good performance, poor performance, or belligerence. Look at our record, I think it speaks for itself” fumed the Summer GM. “Those guys are not there to think, that’s my job!”

The Herd will erase this dismal outing by taking out their frustrations on someone else (that is how it’s done in the hood). The unlucky victims are Stuck on Third next Monday at Art McQuat Park (Maginot) @ 7:45 pm

Eventually, every one loses........

Some said it to be not possible. Some said highly unlikely. On Sunday night against Stuck on Third, Mark lost his first game as a Summer Elkhorn. "I am just not used to this feeling...is this what you guys feel every time you lose?" said a visibly upset Mark C.

Unable to cope, Mark turned to the bottle on Sunday night. Naturally he brought along a few friends to help him get through this ordeal.

"Without those guys I am not sure what would have happened last night! I cannot say enough about how Beauj, Pete, Ron and Rob got me though this. And Maura was superb, as you can see, she really is there for me "for better or for worse" mumbled a modest Mark.

Clearly Elmwood's 44th greatest athlete of all time was off his game on Monday night as well, however he pressed on to ensure he did not feel that uncomfortable feeling again. The Elkhorns rallied the bats behind young "phenom" Stefanie to win 22-20 in a "semi mercy" game against Pitching Tents.

Rob and Stefanie were players of the game on Sunday night, and Ron and Stefanie partnered up to boast the players of the game on Monday night.

Controversy and errors seemed to be the order of the day for both games. On Sunday night the herd ran into a very unruly umpire that ran a tight game but his people skills were lacking at best. Errors galore pretty much summed up the loss on Sunday.

Errors were abundant on Monday night as well, however clearly minimized by the Elkhorns first challenge as an organization. Pitching Tents openly questioned Stefanie's playing status. They questioned the ump about whether a young girl should be playing. The umpire clearly stated there are no age limitations. Thank goodness for the thoroughness of the Elkhorn management in ensuring it was cleared through the commish.

Stefanie had the last laugh as she caught a pop fly, and hit the ball into the outfield to shut up the nay sayers.

Speaking of pitching tents, a few of the Elkhorn women noticed that Ron was pitching his own tent after watching Tamara (blue shirt on the opposing team) run the bases.

Things worth noting:

On Sunday night the Elks started off with 3 consecutive homers from Ron, Craig, and Maura. Rob was close in trying to make it 4, but missed by a step.

Ron laid out two more homers on Monday night. It appears that a 3 hour moonlight walk does the body good!

The shakeup is happening in the organization with Pete moving to first base and Craig moving around like a nomad. Clearly it is tough to find spots for the big men. Ron has moved into the pitching position as he has seen more moves than a Sidney Crosby highlight reel!

The horns roster got a little lighter with the loss of two players for the remainder of the season. Carol and Bob announced their retirement. Scouts are out and looking for our spares to step up right through playoffs. There might even be a championship ring in it for them!

The Elks go at it again on Wednesday night against Steamrollers at Gateway CC.

Remember, your either playing for the Elkhorns or watching them!

Leadership, the glory and the tough calls!

This weeks feature is about leadership. The Elkhorn Summer GM has taken leadership to a new level and is touring North East Winnipeg touting his new book "Built To Win".

"It's about leadership" says Sheard. "Knowing where to put your players on any given day. Knowing when they need some direction out there." Sheard vows that the thrill of it all comes when he sees a consistent under performer finally peak under his guidance. "Take Ron for example, he was an accident waiting to happen. I took him to the next level by showing him the fundamentals of the game and now he plays tactically out there. Clearly one of our most consistent players as of late".

Sheard indicates "It's all about RESULTS! Not Excuses" a mantra he has brought into the locker room and the team has responded with victories over and over!

"I can't say enough about the way the team has come together" in the last month" says Sheard.

Looking forward Sheard is expecting the Elkhorns to make a run for the crown and knows that it will not be an easy road. "We still have some problem players out there and I have had to be firm with a few of them, sitting them out, and letting them know who is boss!" says an authoritative Sheard. "Once they challenge you and win, you have lost all your management ability. That can never happen under solid management direction."

With an 11-5 record this year, it appears that Sheard not only talks the talk, but walks the walk.

The Herd is always looking for new players, players that can contribute on and off the field. "Troy Westwood called me the other night and wanted to play. He basically wanted to buy a uniform and play the rest of the year for free, ...not happening under my direction. It's about consistency as a leader, and your team looks to you for that!" smirked a jesting Sheard. "Listen, he may have some free time on his hands, but we can't take on premadonnas, it will spoil the mix."

On the injury front the Elkhorns are in fantastic shape with only a few minor injuries. "Vanessa has bad quads, but I gave Rick a program for her and he has been working with her off the field." Again, leadership is not only about providing guidance, it is also about delegating. On a positive note, Rick also mentioned that the program cured his ED!

Remember, sports is all about Results, not excuses! The Elkhorn Franchise is a proud one and clearly one that needs to be applauded for the results they consistently attain.

-Reuters// Associated Press// Elmwood Herald

Would ya Rather.........?

Would you rather go to Roger Waters or play baseball for the Elkhorns?

Would you rather go on a boat ride or play ball for the Herd?

Both Pete and Rick answered those questions by their absence on Wednesday night.

Pete, there is a karaoke version for you to sing along with,,, enjoy!!!!!!! We thought your on field choices were odd, now we are seeing it is a life thing!

Rick, sorry, we have yet to figure out how to throw you an oar via the web. You do get some benefit of the doubt as yours was work related. We are also sure you would rather be putting the antlers on.

Bob, your not off the hook, a boating course? Pahleez!!

This pic is for the gals, (thanks to Barb for graciously taking it on short notice...the Summer GM does look a tad tight doesn't he?). Apparantly the Elkhorns ladies are looking for the men to kick it up a notch on the Blog,,,be vewy vewy careful what you ask for......

Once again it was all about results. Tonight, "Ump Yours" felt the girth of the horn with a 22-2 trouncing.

For the first time this season, the outfield went error free. The new outfield marshalled by Mark, Barb, Craig and Kris demonstrated how effective fielding can help a squad. Previous outfields have been ill effective at best.

The infield made stellar plays all night. Come to think of it, tonight there were no weaknesses.

Speaking of effective, with 5 men and 5 women tonight, placement of all players was key. Management placed the players in spots where all players would contribute to victory (and all did!). Some contributed by not being there.

Great pitching today Dan! Players of the Game were Ron and Vanessa.

Thanks to M&M for hosting an apres victory gathering. Good eats, good company, and the orgy after the kids went to bed was most satisfying! Love the video on the big screen!

Next week the Elkhorns move into the July schedule on a roll, and are gearing up for the playoffs.

No Jewellery Please!

We have had a few incidents of automatic outs due to players not removing their jewellery.

Please ensure all visible jewellery is removed prior to play.

For those of you with "hidden" jewellery, please send a picture to the Summer GM for scrutiny and advice on whether or not it is legal for ball.

If in fact it is deemed that the picture quality is insufficient for a ruling, you may be asked to display prior to going to the plate.

Next time you complain about your kids, remember, they are not that bad in the big scheme of things. See picture above. It could always be worse!

See you all at Gateway on Wednesday June 27...6:20 PM.. Jewellery check at 6:00 PM in the parking lot!

Preparedness leads to Results, not Excuses!

First it was Pete and Mark. They bought new cleats to come prepared to play. Then the Summer GM stepped up with new equipment.

Rick on the other hand, is a work in progress. Being prepared is clearly not one of his strengths. Everyone has bad days, but this is one for the record books!

The top 10 reasons why Rick will probably not see anything better than number 9 in the batting order.

10. The ninth position is the LAST male position in the batting order.

9. Fancy throws that look totally ridiculous are not what built this franchise.

8. Holding a runner on second while the other team is diving for the ball in the water is not prudent 3rd base coaching. It would have been a home run, but well, let's not belabor it.

7. Sitting in the Summer GM's chair. Yes, he was told to move to the cheap seats!

6. Unheard of is when the Umpire who heard his nick name is "auto", says " he is living up to his nickname!"

5. Coming to a baseball game without proper footwear (Sandals), and then telling people , "it's wet out there anyways, I'll just wear these.."......nice try sunshine.

4. Errors on the field where the ball crossed between him and another fielder, and proudly saying, "Hey, that's not my error, I never touched it!" 'nuff said,,, Remember, Results, Not Excuses!

3. Being the ONLY person to not show up to Smitty's after the game.

2. Being called out for wearing jewellery. The umpire just looked at him, pulled his ear like Carol Burnett and said "batter's out!".

1. Having to be called by the Summer GM and Elkhorns GM for assuming the game was off. The call came from the field where everyone else was worried about Mr late. Craig said, "Don't worry, I spoke with him earlier, he'll be here"...NOT! Maybe Rusty Staub told him the game was off (see comments in previous week's article).

Enuff about Ricks cognitive inadequacies. Clearly his mind was on Sylvia Kuzyk's ass. Gawd that woman has a big can! On a positive note, love the green sox!

The Elkhorns rallied once again to victory in less than stellar game conditions. Thankfully most of the team came prepared, on time, and were ready to play. Maura and Rob were game stars. The term "mercy" was used and is starting to become tiresome. (yawn)

Every herd strengthens itself by losing the weakest member. Thank goodness tenure is something the organization respects, and we will soon forget about all of this, but the BLOG always remembers (or at least until the server crashes!)

Results! Not Excuses!

Results! Not excuses! That was the Elkhorn mantra this weekend. However, the Winter GM had a few issues as you can see by the picture below.

In the first Elkhorn Softball tournament in franchise history, the mantra led to very definitive victories. As many players indicated, we mercied them, AGAIN!

Whether it was the Summer GM sacrificing his body to make a play, (or attempting to), and displaying a "NEVER QUIT" attitiude, or Venom and Spidey hitting homers, it was all about RESULTS!

Spectactular fielding by the entire team and stellar pitching was the order of the day. Realize though, when you have a team full of gifted sluggers, it is much like the Oilers of the 80's where they just scored over and over and ran the other teams down. This is how a dynasty is started.

Special thanks to our spares, (well they just may end up "ousting" a few of our absentees).

Lots of eye candy at the old complex as Pete wore a tank top for a great part of the weekend. Too many boobs to count, mind you I did try and ended up with an "odd" number,,, go figure.

There were sightings, fightings, bitings, covered ass, naked ass, cleavage (not just the gals!), you name it, it was all there. The best part was the apres' ball events where the team retreated for a number of "liver workouts" before heading home for the night. And you know the workouts are always longer than the recommended time! Hic!

I think I even saw the guy from Little people, Big world in the ring!!

The herd migrates back east on Wednesday night and missed mating season, so you know they will be a bit on the randy side. Action starts at 6:20 pm at the legion on the perimeter....hunting season is now open as everyone is "gunning for the Elkhorns!"

My dream came true, finally an Elkhorn!

What can we say. Not only are the Elkhorns supportive of the community, they are supportive of local athletes with a dream. Today, the dream was realized by the commish.

Not only did he play, but he played shortstop, pitcher and rover!

The Elkhorns are a team with history, and today, they honored a true "Elmwoodian" by initiating him as the first honourary Elkhorn in franchise history. Negotiations are ongoing regarding his full time playing status. Things are looking favourable.

After losing a close second game, the Elks decided to move to the outdoor lounge for a few libations to lick their wounds.

We had great hosts that provided a great atmosphere and great "eats" that all enjoyed. The company was not bad either!

Stories were told of Elmwoodites of old, and what we still need to finish before the season ends.

On an awkward note, we need to let you know that Pete now has a nickname of "toaster". That is because he pops up more than a toaster!

Carol played stellar, Bob enjoyed success until his thighs gave out (age), and Dan brought out the whole frikken family and the scouting reports are that there may be signings happenning shortly. They played great.

Rick was 3 for 3, and new acquisition Cal turned a double that made us think his last name was "Ripken". Thanks as well to Lori and Caitlyn for helping out, (they played well).

Noteable absences were Ron, Mark and Maura. Church stuff for all of them. Barb and Kris were working however we could have used their medical skills with all the injuries.

Rob struck out for the first time this year...sorry Rob, I need to tell the whole story. But he did hit a home run that is really starting to be tiresome when he comes up to bat.

Vanessa pulled a thigh, Bob pulled two thighs, and the rest of the Elks pulled something else.

The Elks cross horns on Monday at 7:45 pm on Munroe. Get your tickets early, and even though you purchase the entire seat, you will only need the tips!