It's Playoff Time!

The 2008 Edition of the Elmwood Elkhorns is the hottest team in Softball, and they can play too! So far, the team has seen success by winning the League tournament and finishing first in their division. “All that is left for us now is to finish it off, to win the playoff’s” said Summer. “ Nothing else matters now, it’s a new season.”

Finishing first allows the Herd home team rights through the entire playoff weekend. “We’ll be taking first bats on Friday and Saturday, then last bats on Sunday” indicated the Summer GM. “It’s a winning strategy for a winning team."

It certainly was not a cake walk as Four Seasons came out to dethrone the Herd. They had it tied after regulation time ended, and then magic happened.

“Before I went up to bat, Hugh called me over, grabbed my arm and put it in my hand.” said Summer. It was beautiful, long and hard. “I knew you wanted to play with it” Hugh cooed to me. It was a little dusty, but as I rubbed my full palm along its length, it took on a luster almost seeming to energize, displaying a powerful presence. Hugh’s eyes lit up when I told him “I have never seen anything quite like it.” Hugh boasted “Earlier Rob was comparing mine to his and commented that it was something he wished he had.” “Most women find it intimidating at first and seem to prefer a smaller one like Rob’s, until they realize they can handle it” said a female player who asked to be kept anonymous.

Summer took the bat, and did what is expected out of the Big Bambino. A solo home run that triggered the team to score 9 runs to seal the victory.

“The women on the team batted lights out today, very solid hitting” indicated the Elkhorn GM.

Controversy on the diamond once again as the Umpire tried to call Summer on charging in on the bunt. “Thank goodness Summer understands the rules” said Preston. “ He told him once it leaves the pitchers hands he can move in, the Umpire had no clue”. “Then he got back at us with that cheap call he made on Dave saying he crossed the line before it left Casuals hand” said Rick. “There’s no way he could even see that from where he was!”

The Horns hit the diamond a few weekends from now looking to finish the job they started. They know when you’re at the top, everyone’s gunning for you. It’s nothing an Elkhorn hasn’t seen before during hunting season. They will be ready.

Playoff Weekend Friday Aug 10 – Sunday Aug 12 at Buhler Park!

Wednesday must be Bingo night.......

Wednesday, The Bingo's decided to dab their cards at the hall rather than mark the Elkhorns runs at the ball park.

"They stood us up; we wanted the runs" mumbled Rob. "We are close to being the top team in the league for runs scored, and then this!" The Herd could easily have scored 20 runs to catch Moments of Greatness for the League Scoring lead. "We still have one more game left, so we will be OK for runs but I still want first place though" remarked Hugh, "I'll do it myself if need be!"

After scoring no "Runs" in the evening, the Horns decided to set themselves up for "the runs" the following day by heading over to their favorite grazing field for a small get together.

Here are the evening Stats:

• Most drinks (could have been "Summer" but that "wuss" left early)
• Most ball scratchin' (Definitely Hugh)
• Most Coolers (Not sure what Casual was drinking but we will give this one to him for kicks)
• Hottest chick at the place (Definitely Kelly, she sat by the scorching fire all night)
• Sneakiest drinker (Gotta be Rob, he pounds 'em back, but you never really can tell...)
• Last male standing (Elkhorn GM, it always is)
• Most dedicated (Peggy, she had oral surgery and was out there to play)
  
• Most ball scrathin' for a female (Maura, I think Hugh was a little frisky that night)
• Most drunk players, just look at the oriental photo and tell me you are still not "looped"
  

Mind you , all of that aside, Maura and Kelly actually stayed up to ensure that the Elkhorn GM had his fill. It is not often anyone stays up longer than the man known as "The Axe!"

Attached are a few "pics" showing what really happened.

Maura is pictured "resting" after a hard evening taking down the Elkhorn GM. Note the Canadian bottles and Coronas validating the legitimacy of the photo. Kelly is shown in her sleeping spot after keeping up with Maura. And the Elkhorn GM meandered home to hit the computer for a few hours before calling it a night. "I like to have a few night caps and relax in my quiet time" indicated Pete. An artists rendition of the Elkhorn GM is all that was available at press time.



The Herd also escaped on Saturday with an 11-3 victory over Soulman's Misfits despite giving up their "first at bats" for not having enough players to start the game, and going through the entire game with an auto out. Those that came to play really showed why this organization has come as far as it has. "We all wanted to prove it to ourselves that we could over come the odds" said Hugh. "We did, and then some!"

Saturday hi lights were:

"Casuals" two (2) homers, Barb's scars at first base that will certainly present an uneven tan, and Summer "sallying" up to the bar for his three futile attempts at hitting a slow moving object.

"This is an interesting year, I normally would not even think of pitching for this squad, but look at me now!" indicated Ron (Casual Observer). " I love it!"

Pictured above is "Casual" pitching on Saturday. "The man is a machine out there" admired Peggy.

Casual mentioned he is also a machine in the sack, and Kelly's eyes opened a bit wider....so did "Summer's".

A Circus indeed...........

The Herd stepped up last night defeating Mittevil 15-13 and then coming back to form by coasting over the Masters of the Universe with a 24-11 walk in the park.

Frankly though, there were a comedy of errors by the team that took the A-Side Championship in the Season's Tourney. "It was tough to watch, it was a CIRCUS out there, luckily I have brought together a team not only gifted skill wise, but I really look at bringing in players that hate to lose" said the Summer GM. "Many teams get people that love to win: I want players that hate to lose, they play harder".

"Presto the Magnificent" was uncharacteristically "off" in the second game giving up a litany of errors. Thank goodness his big bat was working (he was targeted for the Elkhorn farm team, the Point Douglas L'il Antlers). But for now he will stay with the mother club as he works through his fielding issues. "I have faith in that man, he is having an off year, but we love the guy, honest, we do!" commented the Summer GM. "perhaps his leg is worse than he lets on". Pictured are Presto's Glove and bat as of late.

Casual had an issue with a strike out last night but went down "swinging". We all went down "swilling" as Casual stepped up and bought a round for the team. Thanks Ron! By the way, we are seriously looking at the DH rule now that you are pitching, it will save you a few bucks!

Peggy is to be "Blogged" for the first time ever..."what the hell was that woman?". You need sleep 'cause that was not the normal performance we have grown to enjoy.

Stacy did well with a blown thigh, Barb snagged a "beaut" at home plate, and Rob showed why he is playing the field more lately. (He knows why...hehe). Just kidding.

The Summer GM was mediocre as he works on his "refined" batting swing. "I am almost there, a few more good cuts and I will deliver big time for this club, hell, they expect me to!"

Rich spared again, and showed why it is good to be without body fat. He also showed us one of the longest hits this year over the fence albeit a foul ball. And Kelly, well, she showed Rob how to put accurate heat on the ball to first.
The evening Circus Stars (as chosen by an independent body) were Dave (just for showing up) and Ron for the round of drinks last night.
Notables for the night were Robb and Peggy as they were chosen as stars for the second game.

The Horns migrate to the Henderson Legion next Wednesday to play Over The Pants Hand Job (the team they beat in the A-Side Final). You can bet OTPHJ are looking for redemption.

Tickets available at all Mac's locations. Must be 18 yrs or over the limit to attend!

Herd chews Gristle enroute to season's 10th win

It wasn't pretty, and it was much closer than it should have been, but the Elkhorns won their 10th game of the season in spite of themselves.

Winning pitcher Rick went on record stating "I have never been picked apart like that before, was it me or were they just that good tonight? Nah, it couldn't have been me!"

To go 3 innings with no runs scored is not something the team is used to and clearly it threw them off. Craig and Vanessa communicated just like a husband and wife as they watched the ball drop between them. "That is why I don't like playing 2nd base" griped Vanessa, "I would rather play Catcher or or Rover, and the Summer GM knows that!"

The team had a few injuries/ailments that surely affected the output. "Summer" had a gimpy foot," Presto" has a bad knee (still can out run most of the team), "Hugh" is legally blind, and others fashioned themselves thus inhibiting optimum performance. Ron took a few "Casual" dips in the field and will certainly be "shouting it out" come laundry day.

Great fielding by Kelly and Peggy helped solidify the win. Dave was his usual "mediocre" self, and the Elkhorn GM continues to mold himself into the history books. "After this season I am pretty much a lock to be the first ever Elkhorn inducted into my own hall of fame" boasted Pete. "It feels good"

After the victory, the Horns migrated northeast to relish the victory at the abode now known as "The House of Gristle" (the guys and Peggy understand the joke). There were no mosquitoes; that happens when there are more cigars lit up than at a Cuban wedding! The worlds sports problems were addressed by the men, and muffin recipes were exchanged by the women. The kids looked like they had a blast. Thanks to Rick and Vanessa for hosting, we all had a great time.

A breaking story on the injury front. "Summer" is indicating his foot feels much better on Canada Day, however he is experiencing excruciating pain in his torso. Team doctors have diagnosed the injury as "extreme trauma to the abdomen, most likely caused by a blow to the area". "Spitting up blood is not something anyone enjoys" said a scared "Summer". "Unfortunately I was a tad loaded after the game and can't recall what might have happened."

Pictured below is Hugh on Canada Day after the teams binge.

The Herd steps up to the plate on Monday at 7:45 PM against Soulman's Misfits. Chalmers is where most of the team "cut their teeth" in sports so expect a few tears shed during the game as Hugh, Rick, Rob, Casual, Summer, Elkhorn GM, and Dave reflect on their contributions to the world of local amateur sports. Barb cut her teeth trying to dislodge her tongue from the backstop fence in January as a kid, so she will also have memories.