Enuff said!
What the hell was that this week? We call ourselves a ball team?
Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself, am I playing the best I can?
I can tell you, the answer is no!
I can also tell you that changes are in the works!
"We need to limit our errors" anguished the Summer GM. "We really are not fielding well, our technique is brutal".
Add to that the Herd's positional play....."4 homers? Hello? WTF is that? Move back a bit in the field! There should be no more home runs this year! Period! Any one that lets a ball past them in the field buys a round! End of discussion!" Yelled Tiny Glove in disappointment.
"Our infield was second rate tonight....did you see how the other team fielded the ball? They got in front of everything!" lamented Hugh. "They even snagged one of mine, so you know they were on their game!"
"And what is up with throwing the ball when there is no play?"
said a very concerned Elkhorn GM from Ron's chair.The Herd needs to shape things up, and Heads are gonna roll if the players continue with their antics. "Yes, I said antics...they have to know they are playing for the name on the front of the shirt, not the name on the back!" the Summer GM screamed.
"Sure, lets all have fun drinking afterwards; let me tell you, it is alot more fun drinking after a win than a loss!" squawked Casual Observer.
The Herd needs to decide, are they playing for fun, if so, next year there is a nice little church league in St Boniface they can play, or are they playing like "Elmwood" and do the green, white and blue proud?
Rick was seen leaving Smitty's telling reporters "no comment" as they were looking for some insight into the Elkhorns Locker room. "The Summer GM has told us to withhold comments at this time" yiped Rick.
Clearly, this team needs a shake up. The Summer GM had one closing comment to a bewildered media outside of Smitty's. "Tell the team I am coming to the next game, and I am bringing hell with me!"
13 comments:
The season is not over yet. The herd is slowly getting into game shape. After a few more practices, I mean games we will start racking up the wins. Don't worry, we will be there in the end.
I am sitting here disgusted watching TV. There is a weather girl from BC on, and she is pregnant.
All I can think of at this time is..... "at least we know she goes!"
What a disappointment and in the end, yes Summer GM, I could have personally done better. "no excuses and only results" fell short last night for me (his Hughness). It makes me wonder just how many years I have left playing in this high caliber league.
I'm going to work on my game this week and see what I can come up with for next game. I simply need to see results.
Yours truly, a truly disheartened...Hugh Glove
It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.
It is all very well to say that a man should play for the pure love of the game. Perhaps he ought, but to the Elmwood man it is impossible.
There seems to be a funny atmosphere around the ball club this year. Nobody wants to upset anyone, everyone appears to be happy (even after a couple of embarrassing sha-lackings). It appears that we may be falling into a sense of comfort that only winning the Division D, B-Side League Championship can bring....
I just hope people don't think that we can just play the "everyone makes the playoffs" card.
Theres 24 years of tradition that says "That ain't so!"
Just a Casual Observation
Hi Elmwwod Elkhorns,I was introduced to you site by one of your team-mates.I have a little advise if you are looking to find your winning ways again.I see the motto you go by is results not excuses and find the way the summer GM is trying to get those results may not be the best way.I find and have tought for years the best way to get the right results is to be positive.So i'll leave you with this advise(free of charge).Think positive for positive results.A little confidence goes a long way.I know this will work for the team.
Have a happy and sunny day.
Your friend,
Tony Robbins
Tony, you big homo. No Tony, the fact that you are indeed gay is not why I called you a homo, all of the Elkhorns are okay with gays, they'd just prefer you stay in the closet...like the rest of us!
I called you a homo because only a homo would have the gall to insult the Summer GM, especially while he IS the winningest GM in Elkhorn history.
Tony, it's nice that you are a motivational speaker and all and to this end I would say it worked. I am now very motivated to kick your ass the next time I see you. You insulting communist bastard!
Your truly, Harold Dzoba - AKA the Summer GM's current bitch.
I think Tony Robbins may have something there. The Summer GM is to negative; we need a more positive attitude. I suggest the Summer GM increase his pre-game Rye content about 50%, as we all know; the more you drink, the more positive you become.
Thanks Tony for your profesional, expert winning advice.
I have a few snippets of advice to share with Tony and the GM.
Anthony, sexual preferences aside, I can't believe that with a melon as big as yours that there is not enough useful neocortex, specifically the frontal lobe, to enable use of proper grammar and spelling. I have attached a link for you to start grooming your linguistics.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/66139
/Ultimate-English-Grammar
-and-Spelling-Guides-by-Good-English-Essays
You also know nothing about motivating talent from "the hood". Clearly your entry level approach to motivation has left you as the target of ridicule rather than envy.
Mr Elkhorn GM, apparently the devils nectar has killed a few cells within your hippocampus. Evidently your memory is not crisp as you have forgotten that this very same aggressive approach won a Championship last season. The team responds with "Results, not Excuses".
Perhaps there is a cogent argument regarding why I am the winning est GM in Elkhorn History (winning percentage)
A few tips regarding the rules.
A foul on your third strike is an automatic out.
The strike zone is from the knees to your shoulders (a very big zone)
If you sub out, you can only sub back in for the same person that subbed you out/in.
Calling your own teammate a "fag" is not a violation of the rules. We had a controlling antagonistic umpire that used to get beat up as a kid. Calling someone on the other team a fag, is breaching the rules.
It is proper to go to to Smitty's after the game(s)most of the time. That is of course if you like having a team jersey (coming soon).
Without them, we either dig into our wallets for more $$ or play in wife beaters.
Only females can bunt. Pete play close attention to this one.
Lead Off - you may take steps off after a swing and a miss or when a ball crosses the plate. Not before!
The pitch must have a 4-7 foot arc.
If a pitcher throws a pitch too fast or with not enough arc, and the batter does not swing, it will be an automatic “Ball”
Walking Batters – if a male batter walks and is followed by a female, he gets 2 bases and the female batter bats. If followed by a male he only gets 1 base.
If ANY batter is walked with 2 outs and an “auto out” following, the auto out is waived for that turn at bat, the batter is awarded first base and the next batter will bat
Courtesy Line – male defensive players (except pitcher) must stay outside baselines between 1st and 2nd base and 2nd and 3rd base on female batters until ball leaves the pitchers hand. Failure to do so results in a dead ball, batter is awarded 1st base and all other base runners awarded 1 base.
Well , good luck with the game tonight.Just to let you know i'll be in Toronto July 25-28.Maybe the summer gm can make the trip and learn to unleash the power within!!!
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